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Stressed Are You?

By Eva Starr on May 9, 2012 in

Stressed Are You?

Stressed

It’s been crazy around here this past week, (is an understatement)! I thought my stress level skyrocketed until I took this Stress Test and I only scored a 3.   

 

I figured it must have something to do with a couple of overnight visitors staying over seven nights. Yes, my youngest daughter and her girlfriend are here for a visit from Ohio. I’m afraid I don’t know this little darling of a girl anymore I think she was visited by an alien since the last time she visited me.

 

But nevertheless, I’ve made it through the last four days (barely) and I plan on making it through the next four days because jumping off the Coronado bridge is NOT and option (although the thought has crossed my mind).  

 

Here is a quick list of the things in our lives we CAN change and the things in our lives we can NOT change. (I’ve written about this before probably with a different slant). Things we can NOT change:

  1. who our children are (or our parents for that matter)
  2. the weather
  3. what day of the week it is
  4. circumstances outside of your boat
  5. your PAST
  6. other people (and their actions)
  7. words that have already been said to you
  8. who your children’s boyfriends or girlfriends are (or spouses)

So with that being said this is what we CAN change from the above list:

  • how we think about our children and how often they visit
  • what we think about the weather and how to make the best of it
    • if it snows build a snowman or go skiing (one example)
  • we can plan our schedule to fit the “day” of the week
  • only deal with what’s IN your boat and let the rest go
  • your PAST is exactly that, but we can think about the present before we regret it and then it becomes the PAST which we can NOT change
  • we can NOT change other people, so you might as well get used tot he fact, deal with them or cut bait, the CHOICE is yours, of course you can always set the rules when it’s YOUR home
  • what’s been said to you, can NEVER be taken back, so try as may that fact remains, but you can try and erase that memory and create a new one to take it’s place
  • your children’s selection of mates is out of your control, but them again there is that reverse psychology technique that worked when they were younger, love the person, and then they think twice if you like them (of course I’m joking here)
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What To Do About Your Stress

By Eva Starr on May 9, 2012 in
 What to Do About Your Stress

I came across a site on  Stress Management  which I’ll let you look at in your leisure time if you wish. I am going to sum it up for you as best as I can. First we need to identify our sources of stress and they may be hidden behind the things we “think” are causing our stresses. Also, we need to take a look at our own stressors like our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. This is where everything starts and this is where we CAN change. Remember we can NOT change other people so give that one up, (there I’ve jjust saved you HALF of your stress).

Just like everything else in life we need to accept responsibility for the role we play i the stressors of our lives. Yea, that’s a hard pill to swallow trust me I’ve had to do some soul searching myself these last few days.Stress
Once you identify the stressors in your life, I’m going to give you what I learned from the above link I gave to you, the Four A’s:

  1. Avoid
  2. Alter
  3. Adapt
  4. Accept

Here’s how we get started. Avoid unnecessary stress, learn how to say no, avoid the people who stress you out (if possible cut bait). Take control over the things you can control, if eating at a certain restaurant stresses you out, then quit eating there!  

I know there are certain things you can’t avoid so alter them. Express your feelings instead of letting them boil like a volcano waiting to erupt. Compromise, meet the other half-way, make it a win-win situation instead of you lose, thus causing you major stress. Be more assertive and practice time management techniques, (there are plenty of web sites out there with this information.

Adapt yourself to the situation (remember the fox). Change yourself or HOW you deal with the thing that is causing you stress. Eliminate self-defeating words such as never, always, should and must. Reframe the problem, give up your perfectionism, and look for the positive.

Just like it says in the Serenity Prayer…accept the things you cannot change. I know easier said than done, you’re preaching to the choir here. If rush hour freaks you out, take another route or get up earlier to avoid it. You may NOT want to, but then again WHO is stressed here. Remember there IS a rainbow in every storm, (I’m still looking real hard for mine, but I do “know” it is there). Last but not least forgive, forgive, and forgive…remember they know not what they do. You are older, more mature and wiser, so give it up.

Now that you’ve done all of the above, treat yourself to de-stress. Talk a long bath, exercise, go to a movie, write in your journal, listen to music you love. I’m going to end this now with “quit trying to please everyone it virtually is NOT possible!

As always, thanks for your support, 

I love you,  

Eva Starr

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DREAMCRUSHERS

By Eva Starr on May 9, 2012 in

DREAMCRUSHERS

Dreamcrushers

Don’t listen to the Dreamcrushers, they’re everywhere. Try as you may to keep an optimistic attitude about your life, and desires…there’s bound to be a dreamcrusher lurking around the corner.

 

Who are the Dreamcrushers you ask? Unfortunately, although some are strangers, must of them come disguised as well-meaning friends and family. I remember once in first grade the teacher wrote a note on the back of my report card, “Eva is a good student but she talks to much.” Well, isn’t that what God put me here to do, develop my skills of being a writer and a speaker? Thank God I didn’t listen to her.

 

Next in the fifth grade in Catholic school a Nun, told me to stand in the back of the choir and lip sync and that was before anyone even heard of Milli Vanilli. I still can’t sing to this day, but I LOVE to sing, and I don’t care if I can carry a tune in a bucket or not, it brings me joy.

 

Have you ever had a dream or an idea you were soooooooo excited about it that you couldn’t wait to tell someone, only to have that person say:

  • why do you want to move there?
  • you can’t do that, you won’t make any money
  • oh you’re going to end up paying an arm & a leg for that
  • you’re going to get killed if you do that

How did that make you feel? Didn’t you feel as if all the air in your balloon had just been let out and you wanted to run and hide, or cry, or both?

 

Believe it or not, I have had all of these things (and more) said to me at one time or another, and none of these people were right about what they professed to prophesize. I’ve even had someone tell me their thoughts on my wine selections, (in a negative and condescending way), they aren’t buying it and they sure as hell ain’t drinking it, so why is it their business to burst my bubble?

 

Here’s what the experts say about dreamcrushers: 

Don’t let negative comments bring you down. There are a lot of cynical people in this world who have a very negative view of anything that is different from what they do.

Some of them are people who gave up on their own dreams long ago, and deep down, they resent your enthusiasm, your aspirations, and your persistence in following your own dream, simply because they gave up on theirs.

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What To Do With the Dreamcrushers

By Eva Starr on May 9, 2012 in

So What Can We Do About People

Who Rain On Our Parade?

 

Fortunately God gave us free will and CHOICE, so we DO have  choices to think what we want to think, hang with who we want to hang with, do what we want to do, and cut bait in life when necessary.

 

“Never allow anyone to rain on your parade and thus cast a pall of gloom and defeat on the entire day. Remember that no talent, no self-denial, no brains, no character, are required to set up in the fault-finding business. Nothing external can have any power over you unless you permit it. Your time is too precious to be sacrificed in wasted days combating the menial forces of hate, jealously, and envy. Guard your fragile life carefully. Only God can shape a flower, but any foolish child can pull it to pieces.” ~ Og Mandino

 

 

I have put together an Acronym for you to remember what to do next time someone rains on your parade: UMBRELLAS  

  • U: Understand they are coming from fear, their ownUmbrella
  • M: Mouth SHUT! Remember the Treasure Mapping rule, keep it to yourself
  • B: Blessings, send them thousands of blessings silently during your morning meditation
  • R: Remember the 2nd Agreement (Don Ruiz) Don’t take it personal
  • E: Experience, chalk it up as just that
  • L: Learn from the experience, there may be a lesson in it for you
  • L: Laugh it off, joke about it, humor is a lifesaver
  • A: Assume it wasn’t intentional, it usually never is,
  • S: SILENCE, (see M)

I hope this helps next time someone rains on your parade just remember to have your umbrella ready!

 

The bottom line is I believe in all of you and your dreams, hopes, wishes and desires…and the people whom you associate with should too. If not start looking for a sunnier bunch of people to hang with, people who are HAPPY for you NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO!

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Silent Testimony

By Eva Starr on May 9, 2012 in

Silent Testimony

Steer Skull

About a week or so ago I drove to Vista (about a 20 minute drive) to a place called The Indian Store. I had an urge to get a pair of moccasins, (my Native American Heritage is coming out), so I did what anyone would do I “Googled” it.

 

The store was huge, specializing in every type of bead known to man, and then some. Evidently making Native American jewelry is big out here. I couldn’t care less about the beads, I just wanted moccasins.

 

Well to my surprise (and chagrin) they had more types, styles, and shapes of moccasins then China has rice. Thank God I’m not a Libra, it was overwhelming enough as it was. The poor guy who was helping me (let me know countless times he’s the computer guy & doesn’t work in this section). After awhile the owner’s son (a young youth) took over to relieve the poor frustrated PC guy.

 

Silence is God’s first language; everything else is a poor translation. In order to hear that language, we must learn to be still and to rest in God. ~ Thomas Keating quoted in The Sun & Moon Over Assisi by Gerard Thomas Straub

 

I bought my moccasins then wandered aimlessly around the store for a couple hours. I was fascinated by the dreamcatchers, the music, the drums, the hides of animals skins, etc. I gravitated toward the gemstones and there were three baskets full to the brim, of animal totem gemstones. There was a guide book there to tell you the meaning (in case you couldn’t figure out the animal depicted). Trust me when we’re getting down to elks, moose, caribou, deer etc. they look very similar when you’re looking at a small etching in a stone.

 

I picked from the 1st basket & drew the Steer Skull, then I drew the T-Rex stone from the 2nd basket, on to the 3rd basket, the Steer Skull AGAIN. Well, as much as I would’ve rather had another stone more to my liking, I got the message (loud & clear), Steer Skull it is. I bought it, the meaning is Silent Testimony. I really didn’t understand what Silent Testimony meant. So of course, I went home and “Googled” Steer Skull only to find it would say “Silent Testimony”. No other information was given other than that, no matter what site I went to. Trust me I spent hours on this.

 

Read the second section to learn what I discovered.

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Silence Is Deafening

By Eva Starr on May 9, 2012 in

SILENCE IS DEAFENING

 

I now understand what the Steer Skull’s translation of Silent Testimony is (at least what it means to me). Read on for my insight’s into such a deeply profound subject, that it opens itself up for discussion till eternity.

 

(The Internet Metaphysical Interpretation) Steer Skull – Animal Totems – A desirable symbol for out west, showing the dangers to the lonely cowboy. For the living, it represents our need for stoicism, steadfastness and the drive to survive. These are themed directly after the Native American totems.

Silence is like a river of grace inviting us to leap unafraid into its beckoning depths. Deafening SilenceIt is dark and mysterious in the waters of grace. Yet in the silent darkness we are given new eyes. In the heart of the divine we can see more clearly who we are. We are renewed and cleansed in this river of silence. There are those among you who fear the Great Silence. It is a foreign land to you. Sometimes it is good to leap into the unknown. Practice leaping.

Macrina Wiederkehr, Seven Sacred Pauses

 

As I was preparing to write next what I wanted to convey to you I “stumbled upon” this most outrageous video. It’s an absolute work of genius…but more than that I had an epiphany “everything in our life is the trigger (or catalyst) for the next motion.” Watch this incredible video with that in mind and you will get the point, This Too Shall Pass  .

 

Now back to the Silence is Deafening, we speak louder with our silence than with our words. Take a moment right now and think of the last time you were intentionally silent to make a point. What we are afraid of is the “silence” as depicted in the above picture of the girl sitting at the ocean, (which I totally love this picture). I feel there is HUGE meaning in this!

 

We are too filled (at least I know I can be) with the busyness of life and talking (hey I have Mercury in Gemini, it is the communicator of the Zodiac, the Messenger of the Gods). Anyway, Silence is something I can do more of. I can listen more, talk less, or just plain sit in the silence instead of reading 10-15 books on any given week. Yes, I’ve always said God gave me the “gift of gab” but maybe it’s time for me to be a “silent testimony” of that deep stillness within, that peace that resonates out without ever having to say a word.

 

I have taken a few more sabbaticals since the car accident and plan on spending more time “being” in the silence instead of filling my days with “doing.” I just had another epiphany while I was writing this…I’ve drawn the Turtle card THREE times in the last week, (which is the card of retreat). I keep asking myself, what is it that I need to retreat from? I think (that’s the problem right there), I need to be “doing” more. Duh??? Wrong!

 

Let me throw this out to you this week: Can YOU be a silent testimony for whatever it is you do? For example, if you mow lawns, and are the best lawnmower in your parts, then don’t the “lawns” offer a Silent Testimony for what you do well. Ah, now you get it, the light bulb is starting to illuminate!

  • if you are love, can you love in total silence (by just being you)
  • if you sing, can you shout to the world, by just singing (and nothing else)
  • if you are the epitome of Health, can you express that just by how you feel & look
  • if you are giving, can you totally give without uttering a single word, just give

I leave you now my friend, to get closer to God this week, by listening to the deafening silence that he offers so that you may know him more.

 

I love you,

Eva Starr

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Pain Happens ~ Suffering Is Optional

By Eva Starr on May 9, 2012 in

Welcome What You Resist, Let Go of What You Cling To:

 

The aforementioned title simply put would solve all our problems if we could just adhere to that very simple rule. Instead we fight change at every corner, we stay STUCK in our old beliefs and we CLING to what is screaming to be free in our lives even if it hasn’t worked for over a decade or so.

 

It seems we “think” we would be happier IF:

  • I found my soul mate
  • lost 10 pounds
  • found the perfect job
  • had the house, the boat, the car

When in reality, what has happened is America is suffering from the Lost Art of Appreciation!

Yea, you heard me…I’ve talked about Gratitude journaling for eons…and I don’t mean just saying it in your head. How many of you, actually take the time EACH & EVERY DAY to write down in a journal with PEN (not pencil) what you are grateful for on a daily basis?

 

How many of you are grateful for this column, for your eyes, ears, arms & legs, (the things we take for granted). That you have a home, regardless of if it needs fixing, if you have to pay the taxes, if the in-laws live with you. DO YOU HAVE A HOME??? I haven’t owned a home since 1991 when I gave everything up in the divorce, and literally walked away with the clothes on my back.

 

Something happened to me over these last few weeks. They found black mold in the pipes in the drywall in my kitchen and it spread to the apartment downstairs and my entire existence as a Chef has been challenged. Not only that but I’ve had to take everything out of all my drawers, cupboards, walls, etc. in my kitchen. Plastic TentHave you ever seen my kitchen??? Not to mention they’ve quarantined the place with plastic and the only people allowed inside the zipper are the people wearing these white plastic coats, oxygen masks, and bright blue rubber gloves. Yet, I’m still living amongst the dishes all over my floor, no stove, and my refrigerator is in the living room.

 

I wasn’t even going to write Soul Food but I feel compelled to write this column each week because IF I reach ONE soul it’s worth it to me!

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Be Happy AND Hungry

By Eva Starr on May 9, 2012 in

Be Happy AND Hungry 

 

I don’t expect you to never want for the things in life that you desire or dream for. What I do expect is you to be happy for what you have while you hunger to improve, grow and reach for your desires. There’s a fine line between appreciation and reaching for stars and greed. The secret to all of this is what I’ve talked about in prior columns. “How may I serve?” Is the bigger picture about what you can GET, or who can you help?

 

Try an experiment, tomorrow as you go through your day focus on what you have, with the thought that whatever you have right now is enough! That’s right whether it be money, love, a job, material things, people, it doesn’t matter. Do this for 24 hours and watch your life change as you change your perception of your life.

 

Be OPEN to change, the Universe (I’m willing to guess for some of you Closed Doorstubborn souls out there) has been trying to open the RED door for you for quite some time now. But your stubborn mule ass is to fixated on the BLUE door that is slammed shut. Like I said in the first article, quit resisting what’s trying to come in and quit clinging to what isn’t working anymore. Just maybe YOU don’t have all the answers like you think you do. So why in the Hell are you still trying to control your life?

 

Here’s a link to the latest Journey article I wrote on Bridges (burn them or cross them). Also, the Q & A Soul Food column  in the Journey magazine as well dealing with the angry people in your life and how come my life isn’t changing? 

 

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God’s Positioning System

By Eva Starr on May 9, 2012 in

God’s Positioning System 

Did you know that each and everyone of us comes fully equipped with the latest Divine edition of a GPS? Yea, that’s right, no software to  upload, no updates to install, no batteries to buy, no repairs needed and it comes with a lifetime warranty! GPS 

 

What’s the catch you ask? Well, you need to turn it one, tune in, and listen very closely then just follow the directions. Yea, it’s that simple.  

 

Let me first give you a rundown what your life looks like when you’re NOT using your GPS:

  • if you do it “your” way you may get lost for awhile, sometimes a looooooong while
  • you may decide to take a detour (or a shortcut or two) but those roads won’t take you to Nirvana, in fact they may lead you to the road of no return
  • you may feel aches in certain parts of your body, a tightness in your gut, or a rigidness in your bones
  • you’ll have to backtrack, make a U-turn or you may hear this voice (like Gladys my old GPS) RECALCULATING, RECALCULATING

“Every time you say yes when you mean NO, you are training yourself to deny your soul’s truth and to ignore your inner knowing.” ~ Alice Bandy

When you don’t trust that your instincts and intuition are correct you shut off your inner guide (GPS) which is programmed to direct you to the destination of your dreams! 

 

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How To Know You’re Listening To Your GPS

By Eva Starr on May 9, 2012 in

How Do You Know You’re Listening to Your GPS?

God's Path 

  • God’s path is higher than your path
  • it’s programmed to tell you when you’re headed toward purpose and meaning
  • you feel JOY when you arrive at your destination
  • it stretches you to come out of your comfort zone
  • you take risks where before you played it safe
  • you’re unsure of the future but you TRUST a source bigger than you
  • the Path is lit only far enough for you to see ahead of you
  • sometimes if scares the living daylights out of you
  • you don’t know your next move, but you feel safe
  • you have desires, and dreams and you long to reach them

I could go on but I think you get the picture. Let me lay the law of the land for you in very simple terms!

 

Do what brings you JOY! Stay TRUE to yourself! Go into the SILENCE each and every day and just LISTEN and TRUST! Ask yourself every morning “how can I serve?” That is all my dear friend…

 

I love you, now go ahead, turn your GPS on and take that first step…

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